Soft and gooey in the middle, with a little crunch on the outside, these cookies are great way to show your love to people around you. Buttery, brown sugary goodness, and chocolate chips throughout, these cookies are delicious!
For a lot of my adult life I've wondered if I was lovable. On some measure I knew that people loved me, but for the most part I found a way to explain it away, assuming that my family was required to love me, or that people were just kind and that's why they loved me. It's definitely been a struggle for me to believe that I mattered and that I am lovable.
For a long time I felt like love was something you earned. Like, I made you dinner so now you might love me a little more. I also felt like love could be taken away. Like if I didn't make you dinner, you would love me a little less. If I didn't do something for someone than somehow my value was a little lower. So for years I was in unhealthy relationships where I felt pressure to constantly be doing more for people. I was anxious to be the person I thought I needed to be for people to like me. I worked so hard to be “enough.” At the sign of any problem, I took the credit. I did whatever I could to make the lives of the people I lived with easier. I wasn’t going to give people a reason to think I wasn’t enough. I did the majority of the cooking, all the cleaning, ran errands without a car, and did whatever I could to lighten the load of the people I was with. And I pulled back on the things I wanted for my life to ensure that they had what they needed.
The problem with doing those things was that it didn't make me more lovable. It just drew people to me that needed more because they weren't in a good place either. And it left me feeling small, anxious, and tired. And pretty alone.
A few years ago I moved in with some people I knew from church. They welcomed me into their lives and loved me without any conditions. I didn't feel pressure to make dinner before they got home, or make sure that the house was clean, or that all the errands were run. In fact, when I did do those things, they noticed. They told me how much they appreciated it. And they let me know that I didn't need to do those things. That they loved me regardless.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few years. And about relationships. Mostly I’ve learned that I don’t have to work hard for people to love me. Who I am is enough. I’m learning that I am lovable. I’m learning to trust that I have something to offer in who I am. I’m also learning that its okay for me to want what I want for my life. That I don’t have do what other people think should or shouldn’t. It doesn't change my value or how lovable I am. I’m also learning that I am Heavenly Father’s daughter, and He loves me, no matter what. Relationships take a lot of work, but I have learned that they take work and sacrifice from both people in order for them to be healthy. One person shouldn’t be carrying the load of the relationship all of the time.
I've also learned the importance of telling people you love them. People need to know that they matter to you. I think that's one of the reasons I like Valentines Day. It give people a reason to tell the people in their lives that they matter and they are loved. It probably comes as no surprise that one of the ways I show people love is through food. I made these cookies to take to some neighbors this weekend. They turned out pretty delicious.
I have yet to find my perfect chocolate chip cookie, but I think these came pretty close. These cookies have a bit of a crispy edge to them, but the insides are gooey and soft. Who doesn't like a soft, warm gooey cookie fresh from the oven? Especially with chunks of chocolate and nuts? They are the perfect way to show people that you love them.
1 cup cold unsalted butter, cut into chunks
3/4 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla (optional)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
scant 1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups walnut pieces (can substitute chocolate chips if you don't want nuts)
1 1/2 to 2 cups chocolate chips
Line baking sheets with parchment.
Add butter to bowl of stand mixer. Using the paddle attachment, mix on medium low to break up butter. Scrape down sides of bowl. Add granulated sugar and brown sugar and beat until butter is thoroughly mixed. Beat in eggs.
Add flour, cornstarch, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. With the mixer on low, mix until just barely combined. Add walnuts and chocolate chips. Pulse mixer until mixed in. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.
When ready to bake, preheat oven to 400 Fahrenheit. Remove dough from fridge. Place cookies onto prepared cookie sheets by 2 tablespoonfuls. If your weighing your cookies they should be about 2 ounces each. The cookies will turn out better if you don’t compact them. I've also made them bigger and made them 3 ounces. Just cook them a little longer.
Bake for 7-9 minutes until cookies are just barely set and just starting to turn golden brown. Remove from the oven and let sit for at least 10 minutes to let cookies set.
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